The grass is always green.

I am quite sure that everyone has heard of the saying: “The grass is greener on the other side.”

Being a perfectionist, this saying is pretty much the basis of my perfectionist tendencies. I strive to be better because I know I can be better. My self-improvement is not a hypothesis, it is a fact. In fact, I believe that everyone can be better versions of themselves when one puts in the time and effort.

However, it is not all the time that things go our way. I personally experienced a setback in my life which interferes with most of my plans that I had planned out for the future. There are alternative routes that I had planned out, but I hate to settle for less and at that point of time, I felt horrible about everything in my life. I thought about how I disappointed myself and everyone around me. I felt that the validation I had to exist was gone. It was an odd feeling on how I wish to just crawl into a hole and disintegrate into the ground because I felt like I could no longer face anyone I knew merely because of how my life no longer show how much of a perfectionist I am. It felt like I had a pseudo-lost identity. I stayed away from any form of communication for a few days until I had accepted my predicament.

I turned on my phone with expectation to get questions on how I am and in my head, I was imagining the look of disgust and judgment that people would have when I tell them. However, that was not the case. It was the opposite. I received plenty of encouragement messages from my friends when they found out. I started crying.

In my childhood, I barely had friends and at that point of time, I did most things alone and I felt that I was meant to be alone. As the years go by, I rarely have a proper connection with people and only recently in the past two years, I have made proper friends that actually stick by me. I started crying because I could finally see that I am not in an uphill battle to prove everyone wrong. I started crying because it took me 19 years to see that I am not alone. I started crying because I finally understood that people that matter to us will accept us at our lowest and stick by us.

My father always tells me that everything happens for a reason. I have held that belief close to me all my life and sometimes, I doubt if that is true. Today, I saw the reason behind my current predicament. It may be making me feel miserable inside, but this situation has shown that the grass is not greener on the other side, but that the grass is always green no matter which side I am on.